There are definitely levels of roommate “issues”. Leaving hair in the bathtub drain or forgetting to change out the toilet paper roll – these things happen to all of us. They may drive us crazy, but in the end, they are nothing more than the consequences of living with other humans. Splatters in the microwave and laundry left too long in the dryer may be inconveniences, but nothing compares to true sabotage.
I knew it was all over with my roommate earlier this week… Sure there had been annoyances. Miscommunications. Even passive aggressive actions taken on her part. But nothing that conveyed the severity of the situation until…
….she intentionally destroyed my food.
Now there are several things in this life that you should never mess with. A person’s faith, their mother, and their food. These are the sacred components of our lives that even barbarians know to be precious.
Then again….some barbarians are more sophisticated than my dear old roomie. But more on that later.
Yes, dear friends, it is true. I made a pot of boiled eggs to serve a variety of food purposes. They were sitting and cooling in the sink, resting happily in their water. Clearly some of them had cracked open in the boiling process, but that would not deter me from eating them. I left my apartment to run an errand or two, and when I returned, I found that the unspeakable had happened.
This roommate….this absolutely terrible, evil, worse than the barbarians of the world roommate had DUMPED ALL KINDS OF CRAP INTO MY EGGS. I’m not sure if she was washing dishes or emptying spoiled food containers or just being weird. But there was certainly some conglomeration of soap, grodie food particles, and God knows what else in my egg water. With my eggs. The ones that were cracked were rendered entirely inedible.
Why would she do something like this, you ask? Indeed, I know not. It is entirely beyond the scope of my comprehension. Was it too much effort for her pathetic self to move the pot from the sink to the stove before commencing her whatever-she-did? Those three steps certainly would not have killed her…. Or perhaps she figured I would not mind eating soapy, crappy eggs all week? Whatever the case, she saw my food sitting there, and intentionally destroyed it.
I refrained from poisoning everything of hers in the fridge because (as the header notes) murder is frowned upon. Also – IT’S WRONG TO MESS WITH PEOPLE’S FOOD.
There are four months remaining in my lease with this psycho. Until those days are up, I will watch my edibles very closely. And I will pray to God for the reckoning to come when she will have to pay for her actions. There are just some lines that should not be crossed, and she has crossed them.
It truly is, the beginning of the end.
/sīˈkädik/ 